| ready |
[Aug. 19th, 2004|05:26 am] |
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I'm ready to be in the mix. Love, pain, tribulations and empowerment. |
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| flavor |
[Aug. 14th, 2004|04:17 pm] |
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Havin mad flavor in my room. Da Mix |
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| Social suicide |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|08:23 pm] |
Thing about writing an online journal, we tend to be less truthful in every aspect of our lives. But at the same time, there's a need to exhibit, cry for help, or simply just let friends know whats going on our lives. This online journal acts somewhat like an outlet to just say shit for the kicks of it, at the same time, acting as a medium for expression.
Well, i've have been on an self imposed reclusion from most people lately. Immersing myself into my own private world where films, ideas, books, music become the totality of my world. I'm not a pluralist, but i don't see the need to assimilate as well. We are all individuals, and prolly because i think too much, i feel the need to be discerning. There is a relative everywhere, and to be a true individual, we need to assert our rights to be one. Or rather so for me. Lately, many things been happening, mostly in my head. Driving me on a verge of insanity, and now, i'm just salvaging whatever fragments of sanity left in me. I need a break, a break from looking so deep into things all the time. I need to tweak my eyes i reckon. Pupils seem inverted, looking right in my head. Need to take that fresh air, look at my surroundings, and take shit face value, and begin to understand that physical reality and my subconciousness has this delicate balance. Tipping that scale could have dangerous repucussions, and here i am, tipping it. I have bills to pay, errands to run, but mostly, i discard these things as societal evils, sucking me into a system i reject. I'm an example of a spiritual idealist gone wrong. "hello.. wake up and smell the cynicsim" i tell myself daily, but my other half, the Guru says its cool. Tells me im cool like fonzy.
Well, truth is, it ain't so cool man. And im trying. Life can be perfect, if i allow it to. My struggles with faith, my struggles to find that simple discourse with life, my struggles to just be normal.
Always felt that weed has been that tool for me to transcend linear thought, and wander into the unknown. Its dangerous, and as much as it can be empowering, the empowerment is always laced with lies. Smoking weed on a daily basis my friends, is not a good idea. It's false annointing. . . peace, love, and harmony was never meant to be hung on our lips, but rather acted upon. So, having this quiet moment of clarity, im seeing a bunch of errands to run, things to do and money to make. Carpe diem. Onward movement. Pick ourselves up when we fall. Simple idea.
When the shoe was lost,
The horse was lost,
Horse was lost, messenger was lost.
When the Messenger lost, the message was lost.
when the Message was lost, the kingdom was lost.
So with this simple illustration of how the seemingly most unrelated elements can lead to the loss of a kingdom. With that in mind, i want to re-dedicate my life to one that is value adding, careful empowering and for the simple love for life and God.
God has to exist. At the pinacle of any craft, at the peak of an artistry, we see God. Ignorance to that fact simply leads to death and decay. A perversion of the mind. Darkness. Sexual perversion. Lies. Death. Death.
God forgive us, for we have sinned. i want to re-dedicate my life to you.. Help.
PS: Plainly been listening to too much Micro/glit*ch beats for the past few years. Organic music rocks my world. The future is Vocals. Drum machines have no soul |
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| Love at the upper stratum |
[Aug. 9th, 2004|03:11 am] |
Love at the upper stratum, is a union of two people having the ability to share the abstract, the unseeing. How often do two people actually share Love at the upper stratum? The ability of two people to communicate without speaking, to see parallels despite differences in enculturation and life experiences?
Tearing everything away, there is a part of each person in each of their residual soul. Love at the upper stratum, could it be bollox? Perhaps. Taking probablities into consideration (Knowing the concept of mutiplier effect), finding that kinda Love is prolly even harder than striking Lotto. So technically speaking, finding that kinda love is worth more than 26 million. Interesting. |
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| (no subject) |
[Aug. 8th, 2004|10:50 pm] |
MethodStructureIntentionDisciplineNotationIndeterminacy
InterpenetrationImitationDevotionCircumstancesVariableStructure
NonunderstandingContingencyInconsistencyPerformance(I-VI).
- John Cage - |
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| Help me believe him! |
[Aug. 8th, 2004|07:23 pm] |
Just read an essay by Nietzsche. What can i say... hes absolute toilet.
No human being can possibly conceive perfect information any moment in time. Hence any statement that tries to apply itself cross sectional across the globe CANNOT BE TRUE.
WHAT ABSOLUTE TOILET! |
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| Sitting home |
[Aug. 7th, 2004|07:13 pm] |
What an excting day. Sat home, did my laundry, cleaned my room. Smoking as i type these words, listening to my bloody valentine.
How can anyone not walk with a bounce in their step after listening to my bloody valentine? |
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| 3 steps back to a 2 step beat. |
[Aug. 5th, 2004|02:06 pm] |
Sometimes, all we need to do is to take a step back. Externalize our surroundings, find a simple discourse and meditate. Truth is, it is alot easier to internalize our tribulations with what little we know and have. Almost analogous to us doing a summary of an unfinished book. With this concept in mind, we become pure believers of deconstructionism. DANGER i say.
The knowledge of the world, a contiuum. Timeless. The infinite. From the inside looking out, we groove to the organic drums, unseeing. - Yet at twenty-five, a key shimmering in the darkest corner. Transcribed on it, a language i cannot comprehend. But i read it anyway. Thank you.
As of today, it may well be a new beginning. A beginning of a new beginning. Lets embrace the beginning, but be willing to let go. Hurrah. |
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| Winds of change |
[Aug. 4th, 2004|11:01 pm] |
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The cool summer winds blowing, yet it only reminds me of the impending arrival of winter. Do i always have to look that far when the present is at hand? |
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| Once again |
[Jul. 4th, 2004|05:26 pm] |
As of this moment, summer holidays fully kicked in, and i no longer have to worry about school. So the question i ask myself is 'what now?". Am i the only one? Or is everyone else struggling to find that golden path of perfection? Where in life, by some sheer miracle we never make mistakes.
Mistakes have always been a dominant part of my life. This sounds really depressing, but failure is the only feeling i have known. I count myself blessed, i always somehow manage to 'fluke' my way through life. Always approaching things with a huge grain of fuckin salt. Im such a cynical muthafucker, its unbelievable.
As usual, as i type these words, i am high on da herb. Being that fuckin armchair philospher, wandering without physically moving. Every fuckin time, i let my guard down a little, im on my way to self destruction.
Yes, back to the question in the preceeding. What now? FUCK, i seriously don't know. Won't want to let the next 2 months go to waste. As fuckin usual, i had plans to go Brazil, but due to unforseen forces (overly optimistic about funds) i have decided to think twice. So.. being stuck in L.A, the music capital of the world, land of the hottest babes, i ask myself 'what should i do'?
First thing that came to mind was to get a job. And so i did. I am now a proud delivery boy for Le Manderette, the greatest chinese takeaway hollywood has known. With their proud chinese owners and mexican chefs all smiling and shit. Truely fuckin authentic.
So now, having a job, i ask myself yet again, 'what now?'. Yeah, what fuckin now?
Been thinking about the project which i had been embarking on. Maybe that should constitute the rest of my HOlidays. You know how sometimes you have so much love for something, you try to prolong that feeling of novelty? And in order to prolong, you try not to know too much about it. In other words, procrastinating the whole process. Or is this just a fuckin excuse so i don't have to start doing intense research and writing.
Sigh, the subjectivity of life. The more you learn about the knowledge of the world, the more it blinds even the most discerning. Some people in life, just want to indulge in the riches of the world.. joining the rat race and all that shit. While there are some others, who are straight out social deviants, letting their mind take lead, indulging in the movements of the mind. Recreating them in the form of art, music, poetry. I'm sure alot of the time, we get caught between, We want the best of both worlds. Its Kinda tragic really.
The knowledge often time blinds me from the simplicity in things. The simplicity in God. I always pride myself as a Christian, why then am i always looking towards that existential embrace? Nihilist almost.
Taking one step at a time. laying the bricks one by one. The reversion to a simpler way of knowing things. For Love is simple.
A good friend called me last night. Ken. Not spoke to him for over a year. Its always good to hear from a loved friend, just catching up and exchanging experiences. Hes such an encouragement to me. Hes Love for got reflects in his art. A true art fag he is. haha. Peace love. |
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| The new sounds, from the old vibes |
[Jun. 14th, 2004|03:14 pm] |
This is the comming of the new sounds, from the old vibes. The records spinning, taking that 70s soul lp for the sole purpose of integrating that groovy sound that goes a little like "ooooh yeah". Cut, slide and fade. My cerebral mixer goes a little like click claack, double time sometimes.
The new school sounds, permeates and has been build upon by the ubiqitous array of residual vibes left behind by the millions of vanguards hoping for a better day.
Yet today, the better day that the vanguards have been hoping for continues. That vision, embodies no single trajectory, rather like non-linear pockets of space, scattered in the unknown continuum of things, shining like the fuckin stars in the depths of our existence.
At this very moment, laying my feeble knowledge upon the tribunal called my moral struggle, i see the difficulty in dictating my chosen road. The binary oppositions in my daily life tearing me, the duality of sounds.
The lost and found department claims they received nothing that belongs to me, i wonder who found my brains. My brains mean alot to me. |
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| Learning commences once again |
[May. 20th, 2004|02:09 pm] |
And yes, my summer classes have officially started. Just after barely a week of downtime for my tortured soul. Interesting to note, i kinda decided to do change one of my minors to a major in international relations. Been getting some vibes in that regard, many people tellin me i might like it, and true enough, i did some research and wondered why i never thought of majoring in I.R. Oh well... whatevers.. its good that its not too late... Anthropology and International relations... double major. Sounds fuckin ace if u ask me. But what is knowledge without the basic sensiblities to apply it? Or some people ask, "what you want to do after you graduate?" Should i embark on a profession that is well taken? or Rather walk that road that is less travelled? I would want to think that im discerning enough in the concept of social learning and basic economy to create that context for my passion or craft.
Been disconnected from the world at large for the past 2 weeks. Without a cellphone nor internet access at home. Can't say its bad... in fact, its something i kinda relish. The idea of not having that 'instant' obligation and having some time for myself. Don't want to be existing on a deviant paradigm, but i just believe in that delicate balance and constructive use of technology to progress further to personal empowerment. (Irony sometimes, because people claim im lazy). But with all that shit going on, we are expected to be instantly contactable. Making instant changes and instant plans. Its all good, but what happened to that time of self reflection, self thought, intense instrospection? We can't possibly embark on those if our cellphones seem to be turned on 24 hrs a fucken day can we?
Well, confession... in my time of 'introspection' i have been smoking up the 'herb'. I really don't condone such actions... really don't. But often times, theres this draw to the notion of getting lost in your sub concious mind.. you dig? To have the opportunity to make non-linear relationships between elements if you will. And that has been good, only downside is... those revelations are half truths.. yes, that false annointing of the soul. i shall stop. IN fact, i stopped. I fucken went to class today, and found my I.Q dropping approximately 40 points. It din't help when my professor was going on so fast on the course curriculum. "3 strands of political organizations... Balance of power politics, idealist, and inter public unions.... blah blah (LOST IN SPACE).... (lost in space)....... and finally the ottoman empire.. how it is propelled to the world economic stage" Yes.. it went kinda like that, spaces in between my struggling attempts to immerse myself to my professors over zelous attempts to make world organizations sound so intruguing and interesting.
AHHHHHHHHH my only time on the internet. Short moments where i feel connected to the world. Only thing is, we are not really connected... we are just making periodic statements on a network, and often times, it is easy to feel connected. But truth is, we have formed this perception of our online persona and that 'community' that has been formed. In actuality, i can't say my perceived community with you bein included is the same as what you perceive. Sometimes, i perceive myself to be a fucken rock star... is that good enough? My self conceived reality? Or do i need an entourage to solidify this notion that i am a rock star? Well.. a hundred people sharing the same idea as me could be better than me alone thinkin im a rockstar ? I don't know... well.. i am a fucken rockstar... stop me from thinking that. |
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| in heaven |
[May. 12th, 2004|02:30 pm] |
IN HEAVEN EVERYTHING IS FINEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE
IN HEAVEN EVERYTHING IS FINE! |
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| F inals over |
[May. 12th, 2004|05:47 am] |
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Yes, finally. One more semester over. Had my last paper today, which was EZ as fuck. What i failed to realize today was... i actually drove my car to school the night before to camp in the library. BUT, what happened today was unforgivable of me. Street parking commences at 6am in the morning. I TOTALLY forgot about my car, hence din't move my car right? I din't even remember i parked the car in school.. i WALKED home after my final paper LEAVING MY CAR IN SCHOOL, took a nap, had my friend pick me up for dinner. All these chain of events happened without me even wondering where my car was. Not till i came home and wanted to drive out.. i started to realize my car is not in the house. And it finally dawned upon me i left it in school.......with 2 parking tickets of 65 dollars each. This is upsetting. UPSETTING. cheeeeeeeeeeebye la |
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| My life saver, day maker |
[May. 8th, 2004|04:29 pm] |
Ohh Mr. Nag Champa of Bangalore, you are my life saver and day maker. How musky would my room be without your lovely presence. Though i've not done my laundry for weeks now, nor vacumned my room, nor gave two shits about the sea of papers and books scattered on my floor, with you around, i could never ask for more. Please don't ever leave me Mr. Nag, you are my life saver and day maker. You da best! I'm lovin it!
Current Noise - Quasi - Field studies |
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| Breaking the tongue |
[May. 7th, 2004|11:14 am] |
My tongue beckons for change
Like the hawaiian roll.. waves crash. Clicked hopped to perfection, the cymbals vibrate.
Enter Vocals: Lala laa. la la la laaa.
Still the struggle continues, so the beats arrive to save the day
Enter: Handclaps
Wind of change blows, yet the tongue refuses to break |
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| Digging the trench |
[May. 5th, 2004|07:23 pm] |
Sweat from Mr. Sun dripped, endless, endless
Z Blood Running through the veins of Mao say who?
Regret, rhymes with the so socialist embrace
They just laughed at what Fordist ideals laced
POISON
Generations down the drain, reborn
Eclectic, the confed skizms
Fuck that shit, who needs history?
I got my new technology
SPREAD MY WINGS
Now, chins up
My organic beats slow and weary
Creeping - the singled entity they call it:
Global projects
HELLO MY NEIGHBOUR 10,000 MILES AWAY
Memetical evolution, now all fucking bastardized
I’m pissed. Form defines structure?
Concept is key I say u pieces of SHIT.
Duchampian thoughts my only fix.
PARTAKE WITH ME, THE NEW OLD SCHOOL
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| r e t r o s p e c t |
[May. 5th, 2004|02:20 am] |
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In retrospect, the mth of april and may i caught 4 performances. And all of them i would say are pretty fuckin awesome. Brad meldau, wayne shorter (mos respect), squarepusher and coachella. Feels good. Hoping for more in the up comming mths. |
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| \m/ |
[May. 5th, 2004|12:39 am] |
Gwai!
Know what, i was intending to write a little. But decided i should do it another day. |
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